Gritty Details

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Today's OneWord: Silverware

When my in-laws came over for dinner, we brought out the fine china and the nice silverware. We got the rose-bedecked tablecloth and lit candles and did all the cheesy stuff you're supposed to do to "impress" anybody. When my wife told me what the menu was, however, I nearly had a heart attack.

"Turkey burgers?"

She blinked. "My dad loves them. And don't worry - they're fancy turkey burgers."

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Saturday's Storyteller: "I have a Corgi friend!"

by Belinda Roddie

"I have a Corgi friend!"

"What?"

"I have a Corgi friend!"

"...What?"

"I HAVE A CORGI FRIEND, GOD DAMN IT. WHAT ARE YOU NOT UNDERSTANDING?!"

"Hold on, stop. Slow down. Breathe. What Corgi friend?"

"Okay. Have you ever been to the pet store?"

"Yeah?"

"The one where we got Zelda?"

"Yeah."

"And they have all those other cats, and dogs come in to get washed and groomed, and they have adoption fairs every Saturday for - "

"I have established that I've been there, John. Get to the point."

"Well, I went there to get more wet food for Zelda, and there was this Corgi. Named Wesley."

"Oh, yeah, I've seen him before. He's one of the neighbor's dogs."

"He's so cuuuuuuuuuuuuute!"

"He's a Cardigan Welsh Corgi, right? The kind with the longer tails. Very handsome."

"I want him, and I want to rename him Mister Puffles!"

"No, John. You cannot abduct somebody else's dog and give him a new name."

"But Mister Puffles!"

"NO!"

"He's so puffle-yyyyyyyy..."

"Dude, calm down. Yes, Wesley is cute. And his name is cute, too."

"I know, right?! But not as cute as Mister Puff - "

"Shut up. But he's our neighbor's dog, okay? He gets to stay with his owner, and you get to stop acting like a weird drunken sap around him."

"I act like a weird drunken sap around that puppers even when I'm sober!"

"You understand my point, do you not?"

"All right, Fancy Pants Wordsmith. Then let's just go visit him."

"We cannot just go visit him."

"It'll be fiiiiiiiiine!"

"No, it won't! It is one in the morning, on a Sunday night, and you have work tomorrow, and I have a massive headache right now!"

"...You know what could cure your headache?"

"No, John."

"An adorable fucking Corgi."

"No, John."

"Then get me a Corgi, then, so I can name him Mister Puffles!"

"Zelda would hate having a dog in the apartment!"

"No, she wouldn't!"

"Yes, she would! See? Look at her now! The fur's bristling on her back! She knows what you're talking about."

"Okay, now who's acting like a weirdo when it comes to cute animals?"

"I'm just being the protective father I've always been for her!"

"Some day, Aaron, I'm gonna get a new job at the pet store just so Wesley and I can hang out."

"...Yeah. You do that, buddy."

"And we'll make another Corgi friend."

"Okay, John."

"Named Mister Puffles."

"Good night, sweetie."

This week's prompt was inadvertently provided by Arden Roddie.

Today's OneWord: Denied

I tried to get into the university I wanted, but I was denied without so much as a second glance. I knew it was a long shot - the graduate program that the school offered appeared only to have room for the best of the best, the crème de la crème - and I happened to be the equivalent of skim milk when they were looking for custard. I was ready to give up on a master's degree entirely.