by Belinda Roddie
"Did you know that originally, these candy hearts were actually made out of chalk?"
"No, seriously. It was a Valentine's Day idea for people to write out their feelings in chalk on the pavement with these things. But then some idiot ate one and got sick, so they changed it into candy."
"You are so full of shit."
"No, I'm full of Merlot and shitty V-Day candy. There's a difference."
"Then why do you keep buying these?"
"Because they're cheap and no one else likes them. Seriously. Why get these when you can have heart-shaped chocolates instead?"
"I knew it was a bad idea to let you raid the candy section at the store today."
"I was on a mission! It was a very important mission, Aaron."
"...So what candy do you prefer, then?"
"I dunno. M&M's?"
"Did you know they used to be used in BB guns?"
"Don't you even start with me, dude."
"You started it first!"
"Well, fine. Them or those heart-shaped marshmallow peeps."
"Diabetes central! Here comes the diabetes train!"
"Just stop it."
"Why did we buy all these sweets, anyway? I feel like I'm burning a hole in my stomach."
"Mmmm, sounds like a personal problem to me."
"How do you manage to eat so much of this crap and not gain anything?"
"No. Not even. I know plenty of fat gay people."
"Then we're just special, then."
"Don't you loop me into this!"
"Just refill your wine glass and have some more of this gross candy heart stuff, okay?"
"This was not meant to be candy."
"You're right. It was meant to be chalk."
"Happy Valentine's Day, homie."
"Now kiss me."
This week's prompt was provided by Arden Roddie.