by Belinda Roddie
"You know, any food can be green if you wait long enough."
"I...don't think that's how it works."
"No, really! Just let 'em get moldy, et voilà! Green food."
"Okay. First of all, most mold isn't green on food. It's gray, and brown, and black..."
"Ick. No fun. Definitely not festive."
"And second of all, if our food turned green, we wouldn't eat it."
"We'd throw it the fuck away."
"I know, dude! I'm just saying - if you want more green for St. Patrick's Day, you know what to do."
"I kiiiiiind of get the feeling that green food coloring would be more efficient."
"And who forgot to get green food coloring at the store? Hmmm?"
"You forgot to get green food coloring."
"I specifically sent you off to the grocery store to get beer and green food coloring."
"Don't you pin this on me, man!"
"How else would we have turned our beer green, John? Answer me that!"
"That's not how it works."
"Make a leprechaun piss in your beer."
"I swear, every year, you get weirder and weirder."
"Can't shake it off, baby. It's the Irish in me."
"You're not even remotely Irish, buddy."
"Hey, man. President Obama's ancestors came from Donegal."
"That doesn't mean you're Irish."
"I'm just saying, black people can be Irish."
"That is true."
"You just happen to be a black dude with no Irish in him."
"I'm at least an honorary member!"
"Just get over it, John. I'm not Irish. You're not Irish. Let's just drink our non-green beer and enjoy, all right?"
"I swear, I'm going to a pub and making out with an Irishman just to feel some of the Irish spirit."
"No, you won't."
"No bears in Ireland? Hah! I'll prove 'em wrong."
"No making out with Irish bears!"
"Well, then I guess I'll have to make do with you, Aaron bear."
"I am not - "
"Shhh! Drink up and pucker up!"
"Why didn't I just spend St. Patrick's Day with my parents?!"
"Because your father's a teetotaler, and your mom will pester you about marrying a nice girl. Now kiss me, you fool!"
"Fine! Hold my beer!"
"That's the spirit, laddy."
This week's prompt was provided by Arden Roddie.