Gritty Details

Friday, May 26, 2017

Tonight's Poet Corner: Introspection

Wow. This was...this was a roller coaster of a week, people. I mean, there's legitimately no other way to describe it. I know it's a cliché...but it's an accurate cliché.

Don't get me wrong, a lot of the week was wonderful. I celebrated the sixth anniversary of my first date with Arden and the third anniversary of my proposal to her (same day, obviously different year) - delicious sushi was eaten, and we got to spent some quality time together. I was able to collaborate and bond with both students and fellow teachers doing a super secret project*, and that was so fulfilling. I was able to find a lot more music to listen to, which I always enjoy, especially since most of it is of the Celtic, folksy variety. And in a matter of two nights, I adapted one of my short stories into a short film. Which is awesome. Picture of the title page below:

So yeah, a lot of good stuff happened this week, and even now, I'm working on this introspection while staying at my in-laws' place with my wife; we're taking care of the cats while my in-laws are attending an awesome steampunk convention. So this will be a fun extended weekend, and I should be able to relax and enjoy it.

Apart from that? Roller coaster. Dips, loop-de-loops, spins, twists. A lot of emotional turmoil and anxiety that really affected my ability to teach. Something that kept me vigilant and antsy while awaiting more news.

And I can't talk about it here.

A lot of it has been resolved (not all of it, definitely not, but the meat of it, at least), but it's very private information, involving people who I know would not want to be exposed in this blog. It's not my place to divulge the physical and emotional status of anyone who wouldn't want to have it divulged. So I shall remain vague in all but one thing:

This chain of events that somewhat destabilized my week emphasized the sheer weight of the job that is being a teacher. You are paid very little and work very hard for a vocation that may seem frustrating or even futile - but you do it for the students. When you forge connections with these students, you are reminded of why you went for this career in the first place. And when you forge connections with students on an individual basis, it especially hits the point home that you will create bonds that are irreplaceable and sometimes agonizing when you see a student suffering or making decisions that you don't find to be appropriate or healthy.

I will be able to take a lot of what I have learned from a one-on-one environment to my new job, and I think that it will be beneficial overall. But my dedication to these students will not be easy or carefree. These are young individuals with a lot of baggage who are still figuring out who the Hell they are, what the Hell they're doing, and where the Hell they're going. Seeing them navigate their lives can be stressful for a teacher, and thus the battle between distance and closeness remains hard fought and endless.

I truly believe that everything in this present situation will be remedied, though I don't know when, how, or whether or not I will have something to do with it. All I can do is hope. And all I can do is remind myself of why I teach:

It's not for me.

It's for them.

Have a great night and a great weekend, everyone.

* Since it's been a while, I can safely say that we adequately pranked our school's scheduling assistant and ASL teacher. So worth it!

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